It’s been 2 weeks and 3 days now that I haven’t laid eyes on her; it’s making me feel sad and ever more leaving me with that feeling of desperation. I know that I have lived here just 2 months, but when I saw her eyes – so blue with that wonderous gleam in them, I knew that I wanted to see her, every day if I coud.
I hear her come home 5 o’clock on the dot every day: I try to get to the peep-hole to get a glimpse of her, but I’m always too late. I keep missing her. I lay awake in the evenings in my darkened state thinking how I can see her. No answer comes. I think to myself if she feels the way I do, does she long for me too? All this is pointless, I have no money, I have no job and believe she would never accept me for what I cannot give to her. My mind is sad as I drift off to sleep.
In the middle of the night I hear banging and what sounds like cursing. I go to see what is happening. It is her! I rub my eyes as I look trying to make sense of what she is doing; then I see her lift out of her bag a mobile phone, wondering all the time what the matter is. She is calling a locksmith and then I realise why the curses coming from her mouth was about. I feel helpless, I have no spare key to give her, why would she give it to me anyway, I am just her neighbour. Then it dawns on me; she has no-one to call who may have another key; has she really got nobody in her life that she can call upon to help her get indoors?
My heart starts to beat; what if she is like me? has not many others to call upon the same as I haven’t?
She puts the phone away and leans back against the wall allowing a heavy sigh to part those lips, the lips I have many a time just dreamed of kissing. She has now slid herself down to the floor now waiting for the man to arrive. How long can I stand here peering? Why can I not bring myself to go out to her? I sigh to myself. And then something she does catches my eye – she is looking at my door like she wants some company. I smile and think that maybe she wouldn’t mind me sitting with her.
Fear creeps in. I don’t know what to do. We’ve never spoken properly, only exchanged greetings. Can I, should I? This is all becoming too much to bear so I retreat to the kitchen for coffee to help me think. As I sit I begin to question whether I should try and hold a conversation with the beauty that I have longed to be near. I then ask myself how I would approach her, what my opening line would be; do I sit next to her or do I stand? I cannot find any answers on how to go about talking to her. She may not like what I say, she might not even appreciate my intrusion of her space. I ponder some more.
I go back to the spy-hole to check on her and see her foot tapping impatiently on the ground. Is she doing that because she is bored, that she is fed up on waiting, or that she has no-one to keep her company? I cannot find the answer. I believe that if I went out now I may make her agitation worse. The self berating is starting to begin: Why did I not go to her when she first had this trouble and when she looked with longing right at my door on which I did not act. This is my fault. My one chance to be near her and I’ve blown it. I go back to the sofa and hang my head as I scold myself.
I then begin to hear her and a male exchanging voices so I rush back to the door to look. I believe it to be the locksmith; until I hear him light-heartedly tell her she is silly for not calling him sooner and her apologetic words back that she did not want to disturb him. So she does have others after all. I watch as they carry on now quite jolly speaking with each other. Then he bends down, mouth on hers, arms wrapping around each other. I feel my breath still, she has a partner. How could I have not known this? My heart is in a vice. He tells her to stop apologizing, that he was only round the corner on the night shift. Then he holds her saying his hours will go back to normal by next week and he’ll be home like clockwork – at 5 o’clock.
I’ve lost. I want to die. I realise what a fool I have been thinking a woman like that I could ever stand a chance with. I make my way into the kitchen again for more caffeine. Something comes to mind and heart: I cannot live here anymore, not now, not now that I am aware she is with a partner. Stupid fool I’ve been. And I decide for the rest of the small hours I am awake I will be leaving in the dawn with my meagre possessions. I don’t know where I will go, but I can no longer stay with the woman who is next door.
I sigh heavily as I sit again in the comfort of the dark.
* * *
Today’s prompt is from’Full Circle Homeschooling’, on ‘Being Neighbourly’ with a twist! Check out the site as well as the prompt here!