Heal

Genre: Psychological, Dark

 

Heal

 

Am I healing?

 

What’s taken place, and what has been. What is no more, what no longer is.

What will be – I do not know.

The climb has been steady, with pitfalls and highs along its way.

The trajectory points up and forward, despite it being impossible to see.

The highs get higher, the laughter gets louder. On the flipside though, and there is a big one, the lows are much lower.

It’s no wonder each day I am comatose. I can’t take the stimulation of the highs as much as I’m unable to take the desperation of the lows.

If there is a middle road, I’m yet to walk it.

Pain is there, as I journey through hell. I’m traversing it, on it I’m balancing, and I’m holding my breath. Because at any time, I might fall.

 

So. Am I healing?

 

Things could be how they were. When I had no one, when nothing was all I did have. Hard work has made it better, although the lows contradict and tell me otherwise.

But I’m still here, so I carry on. Climbing, breathing and surviving.

One day I may be okay, one day I may heal. And Until that day comes, despite my tortured soul, I’ll hold on and hang on to the what that may well be:

I am free.

 

***

 

DailyPost Prompt – ‘Heal’. Click here to view

 

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6 thoughts on “Heal

  1. How amazingly written! I can so very much relate, especially during most of the past 12 years. From my age 32-40 I really wondered, too, if I would ever heal. But now I know I am. I have had some good times. Not perfect, as I used to regard times during the “good old days”, but much better. But I still have mood lability and must continue to fight. I wish there was a time when the fight could be over for a long time. I’m still hopeful for that time.

    I think I have so much healing left to go. I function well in a very controlled environment and situation, but when I try to take steps forward I discover I still have weaknesses. So baby steps it is. In the meantime I treasure the wonderful things I have. A loving husband, a comfortable home, and my generally good health.

    Like

    1. Hello! I can’t believe 4 days have passed already, apologies for my late reply.

      Healing is a funny old thing. Some days and moments go swimmingly where you feel like you’ve made great strides. And then there are the times when the struggles feel like they’ve returned full bloom and you’ve made no strides whatsoever. And each time I come out of a low, I’m aware that it will return again, which is sad, but true: but harder to remind myself that the opposite is true when I begin to sink. It’s tough.

      Thank you for the compliment on my writing and sharing your experience 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I always hope that lows won’t return, but I know as a person with bipolar disorder they surely will. But in the case of bipolar highs return, too. I happen to get a lot of highs too, but they are not excessively high since I found a good medication mix. I hope you are feeling well long-term.I’m hoping for the same for me.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you. Things have gotten much better than they were at a variety of points in my life, but the low moods have never been as bad as they are now. I’m moving forward in lots of ways, but going backward in others. However, I’m still here and I’m not ready to give up just yet. So, long term, I’m hoping the upward trend will continue and the low moods will lessen. Then I’ll write a story that instead of the first line being ‘Am I healing?’ It will begin with ‘I have healed’! Fingers crossing 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

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