Bitter

She was bitter. Why? Because she woke up.

Her life was a tragedy. Abused physically, emotionally and sexually. Her life was filled with depression, the earliest memory of feeling so unhappy she could remember, was when she was 6. The children in the playground made her even sadder. She envied them. The laughter, the playing and their freedom. She never knew these things.

And as she grew older she knew she wouldn’t have a good life.

And so it was in her late teens that she realised her life was too painful. Her boyfriend was unsupportive. He didn’t have a job. He was a thief and an addict. But she loved him. Well, she thought she did.

One night she realised this was not the life she wanted. But because of her childhood trauma, she knew there wasn’t a better life she could move on to. It was hopeless. So she decided to end her life.

After 2 weeks of preparation, she now had the cocktail of drugs she needed. Some from the Doctor’s and some she had bought. Her partner was scoring at the time, at someone’s home an hour away from theirs. She made up a lie and left her boyfriend there.

She got home and she swallowed every single pill.

She was in the intensive care unit, unconscious, for a week. Her parents visited daily. Her mum would talk to her non-stop. There was a part of her that could hear because tears would run down her face when her mum told her how much she was loved.

On her release from the mental health unit she was sectioned to, she saw her Psychiatrist the next day. She was angry. “Why the fuck did I wake up?! She yelled.

The biggest regret of her entire life was that she never died.

She came close to it again recently. But something had changed. She didn’t want to kill herself, she wanted a shot at happiness. And since that moment, her life got better.

She needed to and had to come that close again. Because it was in that moment she finally decided one way or the other: live or to die.

She chose to live.

 

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Today’s prompt is from The Daily Post and is the word ‘Bitter’. You can view the post by clicking here and to check out what everyone else has written using today’s Word Prompt! 🙂

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