Bitter

She was bitter. Why? Because she woke up.

Her life was a tragedy. Abused physically, emotionally and sexually. Her life was filled with depression, the earliest memory of feeling so unhappy she could remember, was when she was 6. The children in the playground made her even sadder. She envied them. The laughter, the playing and their freedom. She never knew these things.

And as she grew older she knew she wouldn’t have a good life.

And so it was in her late teens that she realised her life was too painful. Her boyfriend was unsupportive. He didn’t have a job. He was a thief and an addict. But she loved him. Well, she thought she did.

One night she realised this was not the life she wanted. But because of her childhood trauma, she knew there wasn’t a better life she could move on to. It was hopeless. So she decided to end her life.

After 2 weeks of preparation, she now had the cocktail of drugs she needed. Some from the Doctor’s and some she had bought. Her partner was scoring at the time, at someone’s home an hour away from theirs. She made up a lie and left her boyfriend there.

She got home and she swallowed every single pill.

She was in the intensive care unit, unconscious, for a week. Her parents visited daily. Her mum would talk to her non-stop. There was a part of her that could hear because tears would run down her face when her mum told her how much she was loved.

On her release from the mental health unit she was sectioned to, she saw her Psychiatrist the next day. She was angry. “Why the fuck did I wake up?! She yelled.

The biggest regret of her entire life was that she never died.

She came close to it again recently. But something had changed. She didn’t want to kill herself, she wanted a shot at happiness. And since that moment, her life got better.

She needed to and had to come that close again. Because it was in that moment she finally decided one way or the other: live or to die.

She chose to live.

 

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Today’s prompt is from The Daily Post and is the word ‘Bitter’. You can view the post by clicking here and to check out what everyone else has written using today’s Word Prompt! 🙂

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There’s Light in Darkness; I Think.

Hello! Um, I think I need to issue a warning on this piece. It is very dark. Suicide, death and dying is in it yet has some hope thrown in too. So, It’s entirely up to you if you want to go ahead and read it 🙂

This photo prompt is provided by FFFAW and you can find the weekly prompt challenge here 🙂

 

Genres: Dark/Disturbing, Tragedy & Psychological

 

 

The darkness and desolation mirror my soul: hopeless, fearful and alone. But, a light keeps moving me forward even though I wish it would dim. I truly want to die but I also want to live. The ambivalence drives me insane. Why can’t I decide once and for all one way or the other? My friend says to me “don’t do it” and I think great, I chose death and now he’s stolen the moment: I hate it when he says something to stop me. Why can’t I just go?

But, however dark I feel, how void of hope I am, that light always remains, illuminating a small spot within me. In the end, I hope I’ll find meaning from my pain and the struggles I’ve had. And If I do and if I can do good, then my life will have been worth it and I’ll have finally found my peace – that’s the plan, anyway.

 

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The Still Wait

Genre: Tragedy, Psychological

 

Photo source

The Still Wait

 

Alone. I love breathing this air. I feel at peace.

I’m gonna walk down that grass dip to the lake, and no-one will even have an idea why I am here, and then I’ll be still.

No more worries, no more cares, just me, me on my own. No more friends, No more parents, No more fellow survivors. No-one anymore. Nobody. Just me.

The sun rising is beautiful.

As I breathe in the air, my mind free’s.

Ahhh, the fresh air. The peace.

I won’t look behind me. Nor will I retreat.

Damn, this lager is strong; now I know why alckies drink the stuff. Urgh, but it’s done its dues and I am woozy.

I’ll start to get going. Down the grassy hill.

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Standing at the lake’s edge, I peer down and see my reflection rippled by the waters natural movement, I swallow the last handful of tranq’s: How well they work with alcohol.

For a while, at least.

I step one foot then another into the cold lake. I’m warm.

I can feel myself beginning to unsteady. Thoughts are hard. I barely notice my breaths as my body starts to will itself to fall. Must go in further. Each step is lifting lead.

I am fully affected by the drugs and drink now. I’m weak. I’m tired. Things are blackening around me. I carry on; well I think I do.

Then I think my final thought before I eventually fall:

‘God, Why? – Why?’

 

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